What Really Happens When I Die?

I am 59 years old, almost 59 and a half. How did I get here? My life has been a blur. My memories are scattered all throughout my head. I still feel young and think cognitively, yet here I am. I have never known to be outside of my present time, well, maybe once. I only have memories of my past and they are pretty scarce to be honest. It has been said that our memories aren’t fully true, that there is a little bit of imagination and fragments of the real memories thrown in haphazardly. The future, well as it was put so succinctly by Joe Strummer, ‘The future is unwritten.’

I think about death a lot. Questions galore that no one can truly answer. You see, I had a mild heart attack this past year. I know the reasons why but won’t bother you with those details. I will just tell you that I am healthier and making better decisions regarding my health. I am happy. I feel good too.

I don’t remember anything about my self before I was born. I don’t believe in a God. I never have. I was born into a Catholic family, but I never understood the church. I found it boring. Members of my family are very into Jesus, but I have no interest.

The Cosmos

I absolutely love the cosmos. I’m not an astrophysicist, but I follow as much news about this topic as possible. I listen to podcast like Star Talk with Neil Degrasse Tyson and anything that Dr. Brian Greene makes available through his books, or interviews, or You Tube. I can’t get enough of that kind of knowledge. I understand the difference between Newtonian physics and Quantum physics to a degree; From big to small. I fine it immensely intriguing and satisfying.

I know, or think I know, that there is so much more than the human mind can comprehend. I love how discoveries have been made to explain things and not to rely on myths. To top it off, there is so much more to discover! Why think that a god made it all and relinquish the process of thinking?

I am Curious

As I mentioned earlier, I have been thinking, ‘What happens after death?’ Is there anything? Anything at all? I understand The Law of Conservation of Energy and how it cannot be created nor destroyed, only converted from one form of energy to another. I find this fascinating!

Did you know that the Beatles guru was a physicist before he became a guru? Yes, I learned to meditate when I was a young teenager, but didn’t really understand the process. Now I meditate every now and again just to have a bit of silence. I don’t mull over my thoughts during this time. It’s more of an escape for me. I read his book “The Art of Living and Science of Being.” In it is explained life as we know it and the paradigm of what it actually is. I need to read it again because it was the only book that started me thinking about Life.

I am not preaching. I simply want to know for myself. This is just me writing so that I can make sense of the life I am living, and now I am simply looking for answers about what I don’t know, but want to know.

I can’t just believe, or have faith in a omniscient being. That everything is created by this Being and everything is all taken care of and that I will be with him when I die. No! To me that is crazy. ..and if I mess up along the way I am sent to a place of fire for all eternity?! That is just madness.

I just want to know the truth

What would I do if I found out the truth? I don’t know. I guess I would feel … I really don’t know! What if there is an answer to it? Would it change my perspective on life as I know it? Probably, I don’t know. Maybe that is why this answer is never known; Because, on a human level, we could not comprehend it, or make any sense of it at all.

Looking at the state of the human race today, I don’t think we are ready to know. Yet, there are people like me that do want to know and would probably handle it a lot better than others. It’s a Craps Shoot, a roll of the dye. I don’t think people are enlightened enough to know the truth yet. Still, I think it will be discovered and, with any discovery, there is more to discover. The Sun will grow into a Red Dwarf before we will discover the truth because, …we are human. I don’t put a lot of faith in us.

I just want to know before I die.