What Really Happens When I Die?

I am 59 years old, almost 59 and a half. How did I get here? My life has been a blur. My memories are scattered all throughout my head. I still feel young and think cognitively, yet here I am. I have never known to be outside of my present time, well, maybe once. I only have memories of my past and they are pretty scarce to be honest. It has been said that our memories aren’t fully true, that there is a little bit of imagination and fragments of the real memories thrown in haphazardly. The future, well as it was put so succinctly by Joe Strummer, ‘The future is unwritten.’

I think about death a lot. Questions galore that no one can truly answer. You see, I had a mild heart attack this past year. I know the reasons why but won’t bother you with those details. I will just tell you that I am healthier and making better decisions regarding my health. I am happy. I feel good too.

I don’t remember anything about my self before I was born. I don’t believe in a God. I never have. I was born into a Catholic family, but I never understood the church. I found it boring. Members of my family are very into Jesus, but I have no interest.

The Cosmos

I absolutely love the cosmos. I’m not an astrophysicist, but I follow as much news about this topic as possible. I listen to podcast like Star Talk with Neil Degrasse Tyson and anything that Dr. Brian Greene makes available through his books, or interviews, or You Tube. I can’t get enough of that kind of knowledge. I understand the difference between Newtonian physics and Quantum physics to a degree; From big to small. I fine it immensely intriguing and satisfying.

I know, or think I know, that there is so much more than the human mind can comprehend. I love how discoveries have been made to explain things and not to rely on myths. To top it off, there is so much more to discover! Why think that a god made it all and relinquish the process of thinking?

I am Curious

As I mentioned earlier, I have been thinking, ‘What happens after death?’ Is there anything? Anything at all? I understand The Law of Conservation of Energy and how it cannot be created nor destroyed, only converted from one form of energy to another. I find this fascinating!

Did you know that the Beatles guru was a physicist before he became a guru? Yes, I learned to meditate when I was a young teenager, but didn’t really understand the process. Now I meditate every now and again just to have a bit of silence. I don’t mull over my thoughts during this time. It’s more of an escape for me. I read his book “The Art of Living and Science of Being.” In it is explained life as we know it and the paradigm of what it actually is. I need to read it again because it was the only book that started me thinking about Life.

I am not preaching. I simply want to know for myself. This is just me writing so that I can make sense of the life I am living, and now I am simply looking for answers about what I don’t know, but want to know.

I can’t just believe, or have faith in a omniscient being. That everything is created by this Being and everything is all taken care of and that I will be with him when I die. No! To me that is crazy. ..and if I mess up along the way I am sent to a place of fire for all eternity?! That is just madness.

I just want to know the truth

What would I do if I found out the truth? I don’t know. I guess I would feel … I really don’t know! What if there is an answer to it? Would it change my perspective on life as I know it? Probably, I don’t know. Maybe that is why this answer is never known; Because, on a human level, we could not comprehend it, or make any sense of it at all.

Looking at the state of the human race today, I don’t think we are ready to know. Yet, there are people like me that do want to know and would probably handle it a lot better than others. It’s a Craps Shoot, a roll of the dye. I don’t think people are enlightened enough to know the truth yet. Still, I think it will be discovered and, with any discovery, there is more to discover. The Sun will grow into a Red Dwarf before we will discover the truth because, …we are human. I don’t put a lot of faith in us.

I just want to know before I die.




Art is just a regular dude. Likes humor, plays the drums and enjoys listening to his favorite pods. He doesn’t mind mowing the lawn, he is an observer of people

Love podcasts or audiobooks? Learn on the go with our new app.

Recommended from Medium

2 Sermons on Giving Your Church Must Hear

“Shri Manache Shlok” — Shloka/Verse 30— a Dialogue With Our Mind

Reimagining the Cherokee Parable of the Two Wolves

Growing Out of Self-Condemnation

A good God in a bad world

Zero and One


Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Arthur Mitchell

Arthur Mitchell

Art is just a regular dude. Likes humor, plays the drums and enjoys listening to his favorite pods. He doesn’t mind mowing the lawn, he is an observer of people

More from Medium


Looking on the Bright Side of Life

My Brother In Laws Priced Rooster Got The Ax And Turned To Chicken Soup!

rooster, brother in law, raising rooster, rooster competition, sopa de gallo

Being A Black Man in America

Three black men walking down the sidewalk with basketball shoes in their hands.