On Aging & Death
I am all for death. It can’t be a bad thing if no one comes back and tells us not to do it!
I walked through a cemetery once and there were a few things I discovered. One, cemetery is spelled with no ‘a’ in it even though some people pronounce it like ‘Semitary.’ Though, if you are a Stephen King fan you might read it as ‘Sematary’ as in “Pet Sematary.” Two, it can be a place of perfect solitude the deeper you walk into it. The quiet in a cemetery is quite meditative. I wanted to sit down and lean against a tomb stone to take it all in. But I didn’t do that, because I thought it might be impolite to sit on a dead person buried six feet under me.
The person doesn’t exist any more, so why did I think that? That thought played on my mind while I contemplated the scenario. If I was dead and someone came and sat on my grave, would I be upset? Would I try to reach up through the earth and tap them on the leg? No. No I wouldn’t because I would be dead and dead people don’t do that. I guess it’s not in their etiquette.
I thought about my imminent death. As I just turned Sixty, I gather that my time for being alive has shortened considerably. My parents died in their late Seventies, so by that calculation I have about fifteen, possibly twenty years left of life on this realm. The thought of dying plays a lot on my mind now, more so than before. I am not scared of death, I am more curious about it. I am curious about the process and wonder if I will be aware of it. I want to experience my own death. I don’t want it to be so fast that I don’t know that I am dead. If that is at all possible.
What happens after we die is anyone’s guess. There is a faction of people who believe you either go to a heaven, or a hell. That makes no sense to me. “But you will be able to be with your parents again, in heaven!” I am told. To me, there is no heaven. I am an atheist and that should come as no surprise. Besides, if all these people over the years have been going to a heaven, it must be immensely over crowded. Plus, I also don’t want to deal with anybody that annoyed me in this life. That would not be heaven to me. I have so many questions when it comes to heaven and hell that I will have to save it for another article.
No one has ever been documented as coming back after they died. I know the biblical story about Jesus. Holy shit, that was pounded into my consciousness growing up in the catholic doctrine. You can talk until you’re blue in the face, it didn’t happen. So now you are thinking I am a definite candidate for Hell. Doesn’t exist either. Hell is living on this planet with numbskulls and politicians, need I say more? Okay, let’s move on from this incredible tangent of mine.
Getting back to my death. Growing up, I never thought much about it. I wanted to live forever because I loved playing. Even though I am now sixty I still have that child inside of me. (Being an atheist, some people actually believe that we eat children!! Don’t believe that!!! …even though breakfast time can be touch an go…hmmm) I still like to ride my bike around and explore because it’s fun! Eating pizza is wonderful!
The bad thing about getting older is that you will have people telling you that what you eat is bad for you. I believe that when you reach a certain age you should have whatever you damn well please to eat, because you are old enough to die at any time. I would rather die having had a delicious lasagna than a bowl of Kale, because, if I chose the healthy option I would regret not having the lasagna as I breath my final breadth. Even healthy and young people die, go research the stats.
Do I want to die? Do I have a death wish? No. I love waking up in the morning to begin a new day. I look forward to writing these articles, and riding my bike. I love watching my children grow up. I love my wife, even though things are quite different now. I like to wonder if anyone will hire me at this age in life. I have been told that I don’t look like I am sixty, but what does sixty look like and why are people so infatuated with how they look at any age?
I admit the odds are against me as I enter my ‘golden years.’ Whatever the hell that is. I have officially entered the ‘Winter’ of my life. That sounds kinda bad doesn’t it. Actually it sounds more sad than bad. The thing is, I love watching snow fall! Though I haven’t seen it fall for about thirty years since I now live in Australia. I would love to experience a winter again! Winter time to me was magical. I loved walking in the snow while it gently fell to the ground. Mostly I remember it being quiet, almost a meditative quite. The same kind of quite I experienced walking in the cemetery that day.
I welcome death. I welcome that silence that is to come. I won’t know if I will miss you because I don’t know what happens upon death. I will say this. it was fun knowing you. If at all possible, if there is a chance, or another lifetime, I would love to do it all again with you. Maybe make a slight change here and there along the way. Having more money would be a blessing but… ce la vie.
