I Like Milk!

There, I said it out loud. Well, not out loud but in writing.

I have loved milk since the day I was born. I have probably had, at least, a glass of milk every day of my life. I find it refreshing. I have been known to drink a whole liter of milk in one day. Every meal I had as a child, I drank a glass of cold milk. Milk must be taken only cold; Warm milk is completely gross.

I think I have even gotten drunk on milk a few times in my life. Well, not drunk drunk, but I have had to lay down in a near comatose state for a while until my body could assimilate and regulate the several glasses of milk I had drank. Milk is my heroine.

I have switched from regular milk to lite milk a long time ago. That’s a healthy thing, isn’t it? I mean, I’m not drinking all that fat milk anymore! Since I am no longer drinking the heavy stuff, I think it is okay to raise the amount of milk that I do drink. If I only had one thing to survive on for the rest of my life, it would be an endless supply of cold lite milk.

Milk usually follows after I eat some chocolate, like a Kit Kat, chocolate chip cookies, or chocolate ice cream. Even after pasta or a big beefy steak, I chase it down with a glass or two of milk. Milk is like my chaser, like a good Port after a glass of wine.

In my twenties, I would cycle for a couple of hours and then run for an hour afterwards and I would always finish my exercise with a couple of glasses of cold milk. I even drank it straight from the container a few times. I knew I should not have done that, but I was famished and I like to live dangerously.

Yes, I admit I have a little bit of a belly on me now, and I have been told that I might be lactose intolerant. Then again, maybe some people should mind their own bee’s wax. There are always people that think they have an abundance of conspiracies that they mistook as knowledge. Like, if I dug deep enough, I could find something gruesome about their drinking habits. Instead, I just finish my cold glass of lite milk and blow a burp in their general direction.

Every morning the first thing I do is go downstairs, walk straight to the fridge and pour me a nice glass of cold milk. This gets my day off to a good start. It used to be a glass of Coke, so you will have to admit that it is much healthier for me. The heart foundation even says that drinking lite milk is good for the heart, …. Uh, even though I should drink it in smaller quantities, …I guess.

Vegans must not think too highly of me. I have been told that lite milk is worse than regular milk. There are a lot of urban myths about milk. I would never tell a vegan to eat meat, so why then do they think that they have the right to point out my drinking milk, as if it’s a bad thing. Oh, well of course, They’re Vegans!! Once again, finish my glass of cold milk, burp and blow gently in their direction.

A good friend of mine once wrote a song about milk. In the song the main character loves to drink his milk and then has an accidental spillage of milk. It gets pretty dramatic at that point in the song. But he recovers and drinks his milk with all the enjoyment that it brings.

Milk is a wonderful gift to this world. The studies show that it is full of goodness and helps make our bones strong and gives us lustrous hair. I have three brothers and I still have my lustrous hair. I have twisted my ankles numerous times and never have I broken them. I have broken my wrist when I was 10 years old, but I think that must have been the summer we had a milk shortage, and we were rationing the stuff. Nah, I’m just joking about the rationing, but I did break/dislocate my wrist bones. Then when the cast came off, I got chicken pox. I think that was the only time I didn’t drink milk. That was the worst summer of my life.

I know I am getting older, and I am doing my best to look after my health. But I will be damned if I am told to stop drinking my milk. I figure that I could die any day and I have thought about this thoroughly, but I will refuse to give up my cold lite milk. The last thing I want to think before I die is, “I wish I would have kept on drinking milk.” Hell, as far as I am concerned, milk is the elixir of life. Milk is my fountain of youth.

Thank you for reading this *buuurp*, I consumed several glasses of cold lite milk during this writing. I will sleep well tonight.