All Of A Sudden We Became Adults
Where did our younger days go?
What triggered me to write this is that I am sitting in my chair looking out my window and I see a family across the street, the father is finishing up his mowing, and his kids and dog are playing in the drive way. His wife is talking with their neighbor. The sun will be setting soon as this Saturday’s evening sunset is beginning. Here we are raising families, working to make a living as our days pass along and we will face another day tomorrow.
It’s about an hour until sunset and I’m watching this family mingle with their neighbors from my bedroom window. It’s actually quite a nice scene. Soon they will put their garden tools and mower away, clean themselves up and have dinner, then maybe a movie before retiring to bed. The weekend will be half over with one more day to relax at home. It’s fun watching them from where I sit. They do not know that I am watching this all play out.
The neighbor directly behind our house is clipping her hedges on this slightly overcast and warm evening. I’ve watched her tend to the hedges throughout the year. She keeps them tidy. I think she enjoys keeping her garden tidy.
This is what adults do I guess, and I happen to be one of them.
I never asked to be an adult, it just happened. I got caught up in the rips of life and taken out with its tides. I dare not swim against it for fear of getting exhausted and drowning. I can see now where some adults can give up and sink to the bottom of the adult ocean, never to surface again. I don’t mean to sound gloomy, but it does happen.
I’ve always wanted to remain young, and am holding on to my last vestiges of youth. Tonight I will soak because my body it aching. My left knee is stiff and my right elbow has some kind of nerve impingement; I must have hyper-extended it. Adults always complain about their aches and pains. After all these years I just want a simple life where I don’t have to slave through work and can enjoy living without financial constraints. But I’m almost doing the exact opposite. It feels that I don’t have control over how things play out in my life and it can really suck.
I’m fortunate with what I have. I just bought a new mower yesterday. I like mowing the lawn. I have an acquaintance who told me once that he can’t stand mowing the lawn. I thoroughly enjoy it, because I can do some of my best thinking mowing my lawn. I come up with some of my best thoughts, and dare I say it, I can have enlightening thoughts about life. Mowing is very Zen to me.
Through it all, I don’t feel like an adult. What is feeling like an adult supposed to feel like? Are there prerequisites? Do I have to achieve a certain level of “adult-ness” to become an official adult? I have to admit that some people that are adults bore the hell out of me. I think we are all kids inside but have lost our innocence. Now we all have to perform at an ‘adult’ level. It also seems like being an adult involves alcohol. Like, Yeeeesh!!
I just want to have fun and laugh about things in life. I don’t mind having ‘deep’ thoughts as long as they have sustenance. I want to learn, I want to discover, I want my mind to be stimulated. Mostly I want to leave feeling like I enjoyed my time with other adults.
When I have hanged with adults that have kids, I enjoy the kids more because they seem freer in their actions and thoughts. Deep down inside I am still a kid and I don’t ever want to loose that feeling. I will actually avoid some adults because not only do they bore me, they can be quite pretentious and full of themselves. I’ve actually walked away a few times because I just couldn’t stand listening to them.
I don’t think that I like being an adult. Where is the spark? It’s like we reach this level in life and it flat-lines, like a heart that has stopped beating. What’s the use of living if there is no spark in life? I miss being a kid. The world was my oyster, whatever that means?
I really don’t mind if others think of me as an embarrassment or acting different. I like being me and finding humor in things. Let me put it this way, if I am living my last minutes of life I want to go out laughing and enjoying myself. I will probably make jokes as I feel my heart failing. That way people will say that I died with a smile on my face with happiness in my eyes, and that my heart couldn’t handle anymore of my enjoyment.
In the end, I think that we should never loose our childhood enthusiasm. I think that we die too early because we’ve lost that spark of our youth. I wonder if our body just gives up because it is absolutely bored with adulthood. I know I will die and I look forward to that experience. I also know that the kid in me will be sad about it. But in a way that will be closure at that moment. I think that the kid in me will be wondering ‘where do I go from here?’ I plan on holding that hand and say, ‘Hang on kid! Here comes another adventure! Let’s go together!!’
